I don’t want to be your MILF. Why I won’t be cougarized.

I am 52. I never lie about my age, I am proud of my years on earth. I do look younger than my age which makes it easier to own my years. I find that most women my age also look great. I’m not perfect, but I am a little smart and a lot happy and that’s part of what makes me attractive.

I have been enjoying my second single life since I was reborn into it at 44. It’s been feast or famine at times, but all in all, it’s been great. Life now is similar to life in my 20’s in terms of my freedom and responsibilities, but now I am free of the self consciousness, the drama and the anxiety about the future that was my experience at that time.

I put myself out on the open dating market from time to time. When I do, I’ve noticed that that I get more and more attention from 20-somethings who think I should jump at the opportunity to hookup with them. Some are sweet, while others have been rude and persistent.

Generally I find that these young men over estimate their attraction and underestimate the value of experience.

They don’t know that they will be even better men and even better lovers in a few quick decades.

I find that I just can’t get excited about the possibility of hooking up with any 20 or 30 something man. The best sex of my life was not with guys in this age group.

Experience matters. Sharing the same life experiences also matters.

My generation — Gen-x — has a much different history with sex than Gen-y or Millennials. I do think that makes us very different.

We lived in the days before sex could kill you.

We caught the tail end of the days of “free love” and “sex drugs and rock and roll” before the rude awakening of the AIDS epidemic and the imposition of “safe sex”. Maybe we would have naturally become more monogamous as we were getting older at that point in time anyway, but I believe AIDS led a lot of us to live more monogamous lifestyles, if for no other reason than to avoid condoms (and death).

We may or may not have gotten sex education in schools, but we didn’t get the no sex education of “abstinence only” —where this cult of the hymen led to every other kind of sex but vaginal intercourse to preserve the hymen and young women’s “virginity” — and I suppose young men’s as well.

We didn’t have anal sex before vaginal intercourse. When we became sexually active we were able to really fuck. (Okay, maybe it just my value judgment that vaginal intercourse is preferable because it is for me, I am glad I had that choice.) Birth control pills were easy to get and STD’s never happened to anyone we knew. We didn’t have to get an app to swipe left or right, partners were easy to find, having sex felt really natural.

Our porn was different too. It was less available. It was on VHS. The people were natural and real, women had real boobs and both men and women had pubic hair. Manscaping was not a thing. Waxing was only for bikini lines and female facial hair.

Of course, everything has changed and my generation has kept up with the times, so maybe our differences aren’t as noticeable at first. We have all become more sex positive, more kinky, and we do probably consume similar amounts of porn in our free time. Yet, I feel like we have an innocence that I perceive as missing in the subsequent generations that have come of age since the time of AIDS and abundant free porn.

How our generational differences may make us different is really hard to truly know. I live in my own experience. Perhaps these differences are not what makes it so difficult for me to envision the possibility of having sex with a much younger man.

Sex is very different for me now than it was twenty or thirty years ago. What excites me the most in mid-age is an intelligent, self-aware, passionate man who has lived and can look me in the eyes knowingly the entire time we’re in bed tangled up in each other.

What makes a lover truly skillful and talented is the ability to tune into a partner and give and receive what is the most pleasurable. Connecting mind, body, and soul all night and into the next morning is what is the most amazing and joyful about sex.

The best sex of my life is absolutely the sex I have now with men my age.

I have never looked back and missed the sex of my 20’s or 30’s or longed for any of the men I knew when they were that age. I don’t want to be my sexual self at that time either.

Sex improves with age, it does not diminish unless you give up on it.

So, young men you should know that old guys can still fuck well — very well in fact. You really don’t have as much on them as you think and BTW, you have a lot to look forward to.

Sure, ED is real, and not all ED can be cured with a pill, the same high blood pressure that causes ED often prevents the use of a pill. So watch your sodium intake and meditate. . .

I have found that the majority of the mid-age men I have been with have been amazing lovers. For instance, one man in his 50’s gave me so many orgasms that I passed out. Seriously. Yes, I am much more prone to orgasm now than at any other time in my life — but still, he was talented and we shared a great connection. This lover could restart over and over and find pleasure in this even though he couldn’t reach orgasm each time. In between we would talk, laugh and maybe eat a little. It was very sweet and I savored our time together.

I also enjoyed a lovely brief chapter of my life with a 68 year old man, 17 years my senior, who was vital, virile and oh so very skilled. . . we had a lot of fun. He was so smart, witty and passionate and I mentioned skilled, right?

Millennial men, I agree that your bodies are lovely, hard and hot, but I honestly don’t care. I enjoy looking at you, but I don’t crave you.

I suppose I have always been more interested in the person and the spirit that animates the body than the body itself. It’s always the person I want, the body is just the means to connect. I feel this now more than at any other time in my life.

I am not going to rule out a younger man. I don’t see it happening, but there are exceptions to every rule and there are exceptional people of all ages.

The odds are just not in favor of me being cougarized.